Waves of Pain


Part 5 – The Center of Her Attention

I could see in her eyes that she understood, but I think only partially. She failed to follow my instructions yes, but more importantly, she failed to focus on me.

This panther knows how to follow rules but isn’t connecting much less submitting to her masters. In our scene…and I still don’t think she understands that she and I just had a scene together…she was tested. A good sub would have been so tuned in to her master that she would easily ignore any others around her. Many subs I’d worked with were so in tuned with me they did not even realize there are others in the room.

“I give up,” she murmurred, “I’m just not meant for this. I can’t do it. Please let me down…this isn’t for me.”

I gave her a minute to realize I’m not going to jump at her bidding, then replied, “No.” She simply stared at me and I could see her thoughts pass across her face. When she was focused on me again I waited another minute. Good girl…she managed to stay quiet and wait on me. “You agreed to submit to me and I have not released you.” I waited again for this concept to sink in. She remained quiet, that alone gave me hope that I would be able to get through to her.

I continue stroking her pussy, allowing my words to sink in. When I see the compliance in her eyes I begin her lesson. “I didn’t hang you here to make you the center of attention. You were only a single piece of the scene we just played out.” With a flick of my wrist the crop struck her belly. Her scream of surprise sends a thrill through me, waking my cock back to life. “Where were your thoughts during the scene?” Another flick of my wrist and another stripe on her belly. I place my hand over her skin as the welts formed, giving her time to consider my words. Women have such soft skin, my crop could slice through them like butter. Having restraint can be frustrating but their tender skin welts so nicely with just a flick of my wrist. Her belly is warm where the crop kissed her softness. I trace the lines of heat and raised skin, enjoying the contrast, the rest of her flesh is so cold.

Another flick of my wrist adds a third line, perfectly  parallel. She took too long to consider her answer. I wouldn’t have been happy with anything less than three lines anyway but she won’t know that. “I asked you a question, girl.”

Tearfully she answered, “Myself. I was thinking of how hard it’s been for me.”

Nodding I coaxed more from her, “…what should you have been thinking of, girl.” I could see her mind pulling the scene together, understanding. She was looking directly at me, seeing me for the first time.

“You, Sir. I should have been focused on my master.” It wasn’t her words that pleased me so much it was the understanding that shone from her blue eyes. I released her from her pillar and allowed her to fall onto me until she could manage to stand on her own. Removing the collar, I replaced it with my hand, exploring the vulnerability of her neck with my thumbs and fingers, caressing and moulding her skin.

I’m getting hungry.



Part 4 – He Hates Me

He hates me.

It was a mantra in my head as I hung on the platform bound to the pole, watching Master top another submissive. She’s sweet and gentle and everything I’m not, everything I’ll never be. Dispair pulsed through me as I faced yet another failure. My Master and his little kitten blurred until tears finally streamed down my face. Nothing I could do to hide the tears nor even wipe them away. I was tightly bound and open to the curious stares of the spectators observing my Master and his kittten.

“Are you being punished, subbie?” it was  one of the Doms but not one I knew. “I d-don’t know, sir.” I murmurred. I could barely get the words out. Humiliation choked me. I wanted to say, “I’m simply unworthy and so I’m made  to watch.” I desperately wanted to talk to some gentle soul who could help me understand. I couldn’t even look at him, beg with my eyes…my head was trapped. Forced to look straight at my Master as he takes his kitten into sub-space and a screaming orgasm.

After it was over the crowd applauded. This Master always put on a good show and never failed to delight the subs that were honored to be his for an evening. Tonight was no exception. She fell into his arms when Master released his kitten from the cross. My heart broke as he gently carried her to the giant chair in the corner of the room to cuddle and coddle her back to reality. I knew what they were doing logically, but had never experienced it myself. Subspace is just a theoretical reality for me. Something I heard about but never experienced.  I couldn’t see them anymore but could hear his deep voice rumble through me as he gentled her.

Time passed but I don’t know how. Master stood before me and looked me over as he stroked my pussy with one finger. No doubt noting the dried tears and splotchy face, signs and symbols of my humiliation. “What did Master D say to you during our scene?” he asked. “He asked me if I was being punished, Sir.” I quietly murmurred. “Did he indeed? …and your answer?” Still stroking my pussy, he cocked an eyebrow as I hesitated, realizing

…I had been forbidden to speak…

fucking hell.


Part 3 – The Examination

The only way to approach this woman is to forget what I know of her and treat her as though she wasn’t an experienced club member. Newbies are given a thorough examination to determine what they’re capable of becoming. I stood in front of her watching as she knelt perfectly still. Nothing would have pleased me  more than to discipline her for past failures so, once again, I had to remind myself to make a fresh start.

First step when approaching new prey is to scope out the territory. Touch. I started to touch every inch of her body starting with her hair and face, watching her responses carefully. There is no gentleness in my touch, never has been. I pressed and pinched, looking for muscle, bone, fat. Tender vulnerable spots starting with her eyes got special attention. I held her head with my hands and pressed my thumbs firmly into her eye sockets, then her sinuses below her eyes firmly moving around to the soft, vulnerable temple. She remained still and calm. Her ears were tiny and delicate, tempting me to pull and pinch them. I would eventually be using needles here.

My hands finally circled her neck, such a sensitive area and perfect for BDSM play. My thumbs pressed into every soft spot I could find and then tightened gradually until her face turned red. She never struggled but remained still in my hands as I cut her breath off. No matter what happens to her she remains in control…I started to see the problem the other Doms were having with this one. She has yet to experience an orgasm at the club, maybe anywhere, because she is always in control of her responses and emotions. Sympathy crept in. No wonder she kept trying, no wonder she sought me out. Even she could see she needed help.

Intelligence, she was definitely intelligent. That always makes for a more challenging D/s relationship but so much more satisfying. Overcoming a kitten isn’t nearly the same experience as overcoming a black panther and this sub had the intelligence and hunting skills of a predatory animal. Her every movement had the control and intention of an experienced hunter. Grabbing her by the back of her neck I pressed her faced firmly to the floor and leaned on to that arm until her breath was, once again, cut off. That drew a reaction…her animal instincts were very close to the surface, interesting. She struggled but I maintained my grip until her body submitted and she stilled again.

Now I was free to explore more of her body and moved my hands firmly down her back, waist and hips. Damn she had a nice body, the body of a huntress. Firm muscles but plenty of fat in all the right places. With pleasure I stroked and pinched and slapped until her skin spoke to me in red splotches and even a few bruises, nice. Once I was satisfied I grabbed her legs and turned her over. Pressing her knees up to her shoulders I instructed her to hold her legs in that position. Obediently she kept her legs pulled tight and her ass thrust upward. Obedience was never an issue with her…but she never lost that control.

I took my time exploring her more intimately. I took in her scent…she ate fruit before coming tonight. This little sub knows a thing or two about her own body. A woman’s scent is influenced by her diet. I have been known to change a sub’s diet to give her a more pleasing scent. Fruit is the sweetest scent. I wondered if it was coincidence or if she’s that aware. Her pussy is small, very small. Could be a problem. I’d heard of some lovers having trouble because of a large cock but had always found more appreciation than concern over mine which is larger than normal. She is a light pink now but wouldn’t be in a few minutes.

I pressed one finger slowly into her canal and felt her soft, tender skin contract around me. With that one finger I explored her internally. I would know every inch of this canal before I fucked her. My little victim never made a sound, not so much as a twitch. That control was firmly in place. Never mind, I was just sizing up her defenses at this point. She had very little moisture and was clearly not remotely turned on by my dominance so far but it’s just as well because I had no intention of fucking her tonight. I had other plans. My finger moved down to her tight little asshole and pressed. No moisture to ease the way but it was going in anyway. No reaction even as my larger than normal finger made it’s way past her barriers and into her ass. Calmly and without hurrying I explored her back canal, damn she’s tight. I’ll need to train this tiny hole to open to me.

“Stand.” Patiently I waited until she obeyed and looked up at me.

“Your training has not yet begun. Tonight and every night until I release you, you will submit to me fully and to none other. Do you understand so far?”

She responded with the standard “Yes, Sir.” so I continued.

“You will not have sex, you will not masturbate nor touch yourself sexually in any way. You will not cum unless given express permission and that will not be for some time yet. You have a long way to go before you will be able to earn that privilege.”

Her eyes held a question so I gave her permission to speak. “Have I displeased you? Did I do something wrong, Sir?”

“I have yet to complete my evaluation girl. If you please me, I will say so. You have not pleased me yet.” Continuing with her instructions, “You will not speak unless given express permission to do so. You are on formal rules until otherwise notified. No speaking, no looking Doms in the eyes, keep your head bowed and when you are with me you will kneel unless walking. Follow me now.”

I lead her into the main room which had grown crowded in the short time I’d been away. Game night was a popular one and I had a nice little scene planned with a gentle sub who was dressed in her Baltimore colors and waiting for me at our station. I took Belle to a presentation platform attached to the pillar in front of my station so she could watch as I played with a sweet sub. Lifting her high on to the platform I secured her arms over her head with her legs spread wide and tied to her chest. To make sure she paid close attention I wrapped a choker around her neck that would prevent her from moving to the left or right. I want her attention on me all night.

“You’re not ready to play girl so you’ll watch tonight and learn. Afterward, we’ll talk.”



Part 2 – The Challenge

As commanded I knelt submissively in the Green Room, said to be his favorite room in the club. I checked it out carefully, trying to imagine what he might have planned for me. The room is well stocked but pretty standard including the bed, binding horse and stool, two cabinets – one with various implements for punishment and the other holds everything else a Dom might need from nipple clamps to vibrators, needles..God help me..and other toys I don’t recognize. Like all rooms this one also had the attached bathroom with a large garden tub, separate double shower and sink with a cold marble counter. No clues satisfied my need to know…to understand what would be happening to me today.

I found a spot near the bed and knelt facing the door and now I wait…for his pleasure. By the time the door finally opened I was chilled and growing tired. I snapped to attention and straightened by back with my eyes on the floor directly in front of me. He paused at the door as I listened carefully, trying to anticipate his next move.


She’s a problem in the club. Known for staying in control even as each Dom tried his hand at pulling her into sub-space. I had no interest in topping her and wasn’t even sure she was genuinely submissive but Reese, the club owner, asked me to take her on. Since training at the club was one of my responsibilities I said I would do it but I’m evaluating her as much as training. She may not be right for our club and I told Reese if I didn’t see a sub then I wanted her membership revoked. He agreed.

I stopped just inside the room to get control of my anger. Memories of her mediocre responses and controlling habits washed through me as I reviewed each time I’d seen her scene with one of the other Doms. Some good men had tried to guide her with frustrating results. I wasn’t in the mood for trouble and would have preferred a sweet subbie to play with tonight but a promise is a promise. It’s probably time I took on a challenge anyway

…even Doms can get soft with easy prey.


Part 1 – The New Agreement

Our “negotiations” were brief…I wanted to do a scene in which there were no negotiated limits. I’m in a club with a senior member who has years of experience in BDSM. I want to see what he’s going to do and place myself in his hands. The one non-negotiable factor is that I selected my Dom well. He reads people…he can understand when you’ve reached your real limits and when you’ve reached your self-imposed limits. There are other Doms who are well-liked but they have their favorite plans for scenes…regardless of who they’re working with. There is absolutely no depth in such a program…the Dom isn’t connecting with his sub. Can you really dominate if you’re not connecting?

Domination needs to be psychological or it’s not full domination. You can dominate me physically and I won’t be impressed and I won’t be subjugated because you’re not allowed to do anything I haven’t already given you permission to do anyway – that’s a necessary element to healthy BDSM play. A man who’s tuned in to my thoughts, feelings, fears through an awareness can disrupt my defenses and pull me into subjugation but if we’ve agreed to a specific scene then I’m in control the whole time. Selfish lovers are everywhere and can be had easily but a Dominant Man who understands real dominance is rare. I’m not talking about Sadism here…a Sadist couldn’t care less about dominating the scene. They’re more interested in pulling screams and tears from their latest willing tool. And yes, they are just tools…used to satisfy the sadists’ need to cause pain.

When you mix the two, domination and sadism, you get a man who will bring his submissive into a place where they can accept greater and greater pain as they stretch their perceived boundaries. I’m ok with that as long as I get a Dom who is capable of understanding the psychological aspects of BDSM and using that understanding to delve deeper and pull you with him.

The following are elements I look for in a Dominant Man:

1) A Dom can’t be rushed through a scene…he has to bring it about organically or he will not dominate his submissive.

2) The scene can’t be too scripted or each player will feel bound by the script…what if the players need to go in a different direction when the time comes? There needs to be some flexibility and awareness of where each player is in terms of what has been agreed upon.

3) The Dom can’t go beyond the sub. A conscious awareness of where the sub is emotionally and physically is necessary for a successful scene. If the Dom is further along than the submissive then he needs to back up. If the submissive is further along then he needs to pull her back.

4) If you’ve never played together then there needs to be a connecting time so the Dom will be able to read the sub successfully. In other words, the Dom needs to become familiar with the sub’s body and responses. Have you ever had a Dom test you, feel you, examine your body in a non-sexual way? That’s the sign of a brilliant Dom. Is she a brat, a good girl, fearful, experimental? How can you dominate if you don’t know what you’re dominating?

The Dominant Man I chose for my experiment knows and teaches all these things. It’s why I’ve decided to allow him to take me to a new level. It’s why I trust him.


Sucking Cock 101

I’m 44 years old and just now learning to suck cock but I always knew I’d love it. My “Professor” is patient and understanding as I’m trying to figure it out so I’m having fun.

The difficulty as you’re starting to learn is breathing. I have no difficulty taking a cock in my mouth. He tastes and feels so good and my tongue misses it when I don’t get to wrap it around his cock. I have even been able to deep throat for short periods of time…until I run out of breath. His fist in my hair encourages me to try for longer periods of time but I eventually escape to take a breath…by escape, I mean he releases me when I start to struggle.

My favorite thing to do is lick the tip before starting to suck hard at the end of his cock. As I suck, I slowly press him deeper down my throat until my face reaches his body and his cock is past my tonsils and deep down my esophagus. I’m pushing my feet against the bed to press harder into him while holding his hands and pulling myself forward or pulling him forward with my hands on his ass. When my face is pressed into his body, I shake my head to vibrate his cock down my throat. I love that feeling, love the fact that his cock is half-way to my stomach and I’m not choking…perhaps may be a matter of pride there…but I do love the feeling of having my face full of cock.

Another thing I enjoy is wiggling my tongue quickly to vibrate his cock as I lick him up and down without taking him in my mouth. I also take his cock and jiggle it back and forth over my lips while I’m trying to catch my breath. It gives me a chance to gently lick the tip while “kissing” his cock. It’s just a gentle moment that may not be that erotic for him but I have so much affection for his cock that I need a kiss and cuddle as I get my breath back.

I need to work on my breathing. Anyone who has techniques that work please pass them on. I used to have swimmer’s lungs but they appear to have failed me. I’m going to start deep breathing exercises to try to help me with this weakness. Sometimes I think about just pressing into him hard regardless of how desperately I need air. Just because I want him to cum down my throat as I’m sucking.

That’s another thing I figured out, sucking and swallowing can not be done at the same time. *eyes rolling* Yes, I did try….it’s didn’t work. I swallowed one mouth full then choked on the rest. The best part of sucking while he’s cuming is that I can feel the semen shooting through his cock like a straw…a THICK straw. I LOVED that feeling. Even as I’m keying this out, my mind has wandered to the feeling of his cum streaming up his cock as I sucked him hard. I want to feel that again but only felt it once. The second time he came down my throat and I wasn’t sucking, just pressing my face into his body and submitting as he fucked my face.

Sometimes it sounds like women do this to please their men only. I just want to blog about how much pleasure women may sometimes get from having a mouth full of man…I certainly do.

Up next: No, I didn’t forget the balls. They get a blog of their own…


A Lesson in Discretion

I’m lying on my bed, it’s dark and I’m naked per instructions – I’m always to sleep naked. My hand reaches back to explore my tender ass. I’m covered in welts. Every twitch reminds me of what just happened.

He opened the door and gave me the unusal instructions except this time he told me to lay flat on the bed with my panties at my knees. Gently he caressed my ass with something soft and smooth…oh God, it’s a hairbrush. The first smack wasn’t too bad but I soon started to feel the heat and pain from this new discipline tool. He’d warned me. Come to me and bring the cane; no toys, this is a serious spanking. That meant I will be carrying these marks for a week…at least.

He asked, “Do you know what this is for?”

“Indiscretion. I’ve been indiscrete.”

I’m gasping, already in more pain that I can easily tolerate because I still carry the marks from my last beating. I know I haven’t been careful – things have gotten out that shouldn’t have. He’s justified in every swing of his arm. Again, he always seems to know when I’ve had as much as I can tolerate and he switches to the cane. Unlike last time, it offers  no comfort. The broad pain from the hairbrush just made my ass that much more sensitive and I can barely cope with the cane from the first strike but he doesn’t stop. This is a serious spanking and intended to make me remember to be more discrete. I cry out with each swing of the cane but eventually he brings the cane  down so fast and furiously I can only squirm and beg for mercy.

“What?” he says, when I call our his name.

“It hurts!” I don’t know why I said it. He knows it hurts and told me so, “It’s supposed to hurt. You deserve it, don’t you?” I have to agree that I do and I know I do…and so he continues.

After he’s finally satisfied that I will no longer be careless he told me to sit up and masturbate for him. I can’t, it’s an issue and I remind him of that. He just said “good” and makes himself comfortable in the chair beside the bed.  He instructs me as I start…I’m soaking wet. I usually get wet when he beats me but this time was so hard to take even I’m surprised at how wet it made me. My clit is already sensitive to the touch and I’m uncomfortable as I try to bring about an orgasm while being watched. I’ve never been able to do it and I tell him again…”I don’t think I can cum.”

He stands, at some point he’d undressed. Taking me by the legs he jerks me to the edge of the bed and presses my feet until my knees are at my shoulders and fucks me at the edge of the bed. I cry out as he penetrates me…my pussy is so sensitive by this time I cum almost immediately. My ass rubs against the blanket as he continues fucking me hard, pressing my knees to the bed. Eventually, he releases me and lays back on the bed so I can suck his cock.

I love to suck cock…particulary his cock. It’s perfect, soft and silky against my tongue. His taste stays with me all night and I savor it, even as I rub my ass to soothe the welts he’s created. I struggle at times with my breathing but he’s patient and guides me. Eventually, he turns to the side and with a fist in my hair, he fucks my face rapidly. I relax and try to submit…holding my breath desperately as he presses into me to release his seed down my throat. As he cums I grip his ass tightly, holding on as though for dear life. Pressing him deeper into me.

Then I’m released…free to take a breath. I promise myself to work on my breathing before the next time we meet. I want to impress him – I want to improve.

Before I leave he reminds me of why I was spanked. I assure him that I have learned my lesson…a lesson in discretion.


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